instead of saying “i want to kill myself” whenever something bad happens to me as a result of circumstances beyond my control i’ve started saying “i’m going to kill god” and it’s honestly done wonders for my self-esteem
May be i feel that way ‘cause im just so worn out from all the intense hierarchal angsty mind games from people i’ve been with. It seems like they felt that that’s what it takes in order to ‘decode’ me and that’s honestly so sad like. You are with this person because you love them but they just see you as a goal post or their posession they’re entitled to so being with them feels like a constant battle where you have to fight for your basic rights aka convince them you are worthy of respect and they see that as you playing hard to get. Drives you nuts
She and I have opened up to each other in a short period of time and we think alike in a lot of areas it’s just…for a while talking to ppl felt like huge emotional labour but it doesn’t feel that way with her, i can just be genuine and that’s literally all it takes? I forgot that this is what bonding with a normal healthy human being actually feels like lol
I’ve been talking to this white german woman living in korea she prefers voice mails over texting so we’ve been sending each other heaps of voice messages it’s honestly cute
i’m mysterious but not on purpose. i’m just trying to leave wherever i am at all times and that makes me seem mysterious when it’s actually the behavior of like. a dumb bird
